Age: 51 years old
I am a Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma Cancer Survivor of 10 months as of March 23, 2021. I am a mother of two ages 14 and 21. A divorced wife of 15 years. It has been quite a journey with cancer during a pandemic. To be completely honest the challenges have been overwhelming. I try to still be the person I was before cancer but I have finally faced that I am not that person any longer. I have days where I don’t want to ever wake up again but my faith keeps me pushing through.
My mental health has been an emotional roller coaster. I was given the news of Cancer and completely went numb to everything around me but put a mask on to make people believe I was ok. By the way, it always sounds better to say I’m fine because then I won’t have to find the words to tell people how I really feel. Most of the time I couldn’t articulate how I felt or what was going on with my mind, body, and soul. Most of the time I felt helpless. Where was the woman who everyone went to for advice, whenever everyone else needed her she would show up but she couldn’t show up for herself? Where did she go? The person who loves to cook but doesn’t have the strength to cook and on days when I did feel well I would either burn up the food or forget and leave the stove on. Where was the person who loves to be around people now looks at herself in the mirror and says “WHO IS SHE?
YOU ARE NOT ALONE
No matter how many questions you ask yourself just know sometimes it’s ok to not be ok. Just don’t stay in that space. Not every day is going to be perfect and that is ok. You have been taken down a road of unmarked territory in your life and trusting God is who you will need for this ride. An illness of any kind is a transition to a new space a new journey. If God places you on this path it’s a lesson for a blessing. You are not alone. Prayer, meditation, and a good support group will make the journey easier but you have to be willing to trust the process.