Be sure to check out these productions by Teleah Scott Moore. Like, subscribe, and share her channel. Thank you!

This was a production where I was definitely in my element. Let’s Clear the Air. Enjoy and leave a comment on how you liked it. Thank you in advance. Check out the video on YouTube https://youtu.be/exR81cpcmDQ?si=_rsc0Mgza_dxXgfY

Also, Check out another production of Teleah Moore, The Devil Don’t Live Here Anymore on Youtube. https://youtu.be/6za-ditGqgs?si=emwh8sDJMcBh8BX-

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Hello Love muffins, 

I have done a new thing. First of many to come. I have published my first Book. It is a 30-Day Journal of Grace and Mercy.  Yes, I am an author. That was my goal before the year 2024 ended.  It’s a significant achievement, and I feel great about contributing to others’ well-being through writing. My focus is on self-care, and guided journaling it is important in today’s fast-paced world.

Leave a review and let me know how you will be using your journal. Please share and comment. Thank you in advance. My 30 Day Journal of Grace and Mercy: Daily Affirmations, Bible Verses, and Reflections for Personal and Spiritual Growth https://a.co/d/dkUD6Wa

As of today, it has been 1 year and some months since I have been divorced.

From day one of our marriage on July 16, 2006 I was the one who said divorce will never be a option. I wanted to believe that I will be married until death so us part. I didn’t want my kids apart of the system at all. I didn’t want to fight about an taking the responsibility of taking care of our children.

We almost made 16 years. What an accomplishment these days. I felt In our marriage that I was a great wife and mother. I gave everything I had. I felt like a super woman. Taking care of my husband taking care of the kids working pursing my dream of being on the radio. But instead of support I got push back. I supported my husband as he got a new job with metro and him working hours and hours. I accepted all shifts he did. I understood the assignment. Be that wife that still holds down the household as he pursues his dreams. Supported him as he went to school for heating and air conditioning again holding down the household. Held him down when he decided to play basketball and he tore is acl and had to have surgery, again trying to help but being rejected in trying to do so.

When we first got married and a few years later to find out he had a son outside of our marriage. I told my self this young man didn’t have him in his life for 13 years. He didn’t ask to be here and here is  so let’s embrace him.  I helped him on finding out what he needed to do. I did as a faithful wife would do go to court appearances and funny how she never showed up. How convenient but from what I hear the mother doesn’t have to be there. I support anyway. I did what a wife is suppose to do. I didn’t want him to feel like he had to go thru it alone.  That’s what wife’s do even though he never told me about it until my mother called me at work to tell me the a sherrifs showed up at her door to serve him papers that day.  I felt like he got married because it looked good.

What drawer me to him was I believed he was attractive, smart and he didn’t have a whole bunch of friends.He wasn’t really big on going out.  Like a home body so far from what I ever wanted.  

As the years went on he just got very comfortable in being that home body. I believe in marriages you should still have date nights and when you have date nights it should look like you are a couple. I’m huge on pda. He wasn’t don’t know how I missed that mark.

Now vacations were nice but again distance. He felt if we on vacation so being in bed and playing games worked for him.

Porn was a huge problem for me in our marriage too. I believe he was addicted. When husbands prefer porn over you it tuggs on your heart strings
Am I not enough? You prefer this over me. Wow. Laptops phones and even found cds of it. So I even tried to watch them with him and I just hated it. But I said if you can beat them join them. I hated it. All of it!!! I was like maybe he wants to try new positions so let me see what tricks I can get out of it. Tried it and hated it. I just feel like they treat women so disrespectful in them. Horrible. I only looked at them to try to please my man. He works so hard I don’t want him to feel he has to go outside of the marriage for anything.

Don’t get me wrong, I had moments of not being 100% in because of the lack of communication between us.

But you know what, no matter what you do it’d never be enough if you don’t have God in it.

So I started to go to church more and serving as a Usher, audio ministry, adoration, and whatever else I could to get my mind off the fact I don’t feel like I’m enough for my husband. I wanted to also set the foundation for the kids and get them involved in church.

I would try to get my husband to come to church too. Wasn’t really his thing and his excuse was always I have nothing to wear.

Our intense fellowship were just that INTENSE.
Yelling back and forth and no one is listening.

One time I was exhausted but I felt like I wanted to make him a special dinner. His favorite was either smothered pork chops or a porterhouse steak.

So I prepared him dinner and I went downstairs to let him know dinner was ready and he was no where to be found. I was devastated I called to ask where he was and he said he left. Wow. And that was it. No I’m sorry I’ll be back just ghosted.

Another time, actually, before we got married but we had our first son. We separated. I wasn’t going to allow him to move in with me because I living with my mom.  He was living with a roommate and he didn’t want to live there anymore. So I agreed to help him get an apartment. He must have thought because the apartment was in my name I wasn’t going to get a key to it. Huh. Joke’s on you shawty!.

My intention wasn’t to move in but I wanted our son to be in a nice environment. We had separated for a while.

So I called him to ask him can he cut dj hair and he told me no. Because he wasn’t home. I was like. ok. I happened to be in the area and dropped by. I used my key and he chilling on the couch. I told dj to say hello walked to his hall closet  got the clippers and walked out… The next day or two he changed the locks . He move out of that and got another apartment. There was another time another time he had picked up dj for the weekend and he brought him home and stuffed in dj baby bag was a letter from the leasing office with another’s women’s name on it.  Smh. I can’t make this up.

This list goes on and on of how I feel the decision that was made is accurate because since I left doors have been opening up left and right.

I don’t believe in regrets I believe they are lessons. I don’t believe in luck. I believe in faith.

Are there times I look back and say what could have been different. Yes, all the time. But I know I was an amazing wife.  I believe I put 150 into it. It’s a rough road when the marriage is one sided and unevenly yoked. If you don’t keep God first in a marriage, you are in it just managing and being unfulfilled. No one should feel unfulfilled in a marriage. God, faith and communication are the key to a fulfilling marriage. Most say finances is it is as well, but if you are not aligned in the proper position, it is headed to a place you don’t want to be. Finances will flow when you are in the proper position with God. Pray together before God. Let your request be known and listen for the answers from God.

In my marriage the foundation of both of us being aligned wasn’t there. We were just unevenly yoked. I was surrendered to God, but my husband wasn’t in it. When I would move further into my spiritual growth he would say I’m changing and I would ask him change is supposed to be good. He response was always this is how you met me oh well. Not the answers I ever wanted to hear. I thought as you become older you become wiser and want to grow, but I guess he felt growth to him was change and he wasn’t willing.

I wasn’t happy anymore. I always felt I got knocked down about everything. New ideas . New conversations everything. No he wasn’t abusive physically, but mentally I was drained. It completely drained me to the point of sickness.

I was diagnosed with Non Hodgkins Lymphoma Cancer on September 17, 2020. I guess God heard my prayers and decided to shut me all the way down. The most devastating news I could ever hear. Unfamiliar territory, but I knew my faith was the only that was going to get me through. My faith caused my Breakthrough. This is the test of where this would make or break my marriage. Unfortunately, it broke it. As I went thru this journey of having cancer, the Dr apptments, treatments and the horrible side affects. This was surely the test. Will he love me from going from 165 lbs to 108lbs, will he love me through preparing food for me but can’t eat because of mouth sores due to the treatments, will he find it in his heart to come to me hug me and allow me to sleep in his arms because if he fatigue, will be love m enough to hold my hand or give me hug on the ride home from horrible experiences spinal chemo treatments to shrink the tumors in my head, will he love me thru throwing up from the treatments after affects, will he love me enough of the hair loss and darkening of my skin. Will he love me enough to notice I laid on the couch for a year because our spirits weren’t connecting? I couldn’t get past these thoughts because when I was well there was no difference. I wasn’t seen or heard.

There were times my kids fell in my arms an hugged me wanting to do more because my husband told them they wasn’t taking care of me. Imagine a 13 year old and a 21year old trying to process their mom is down for the count.

Trying process all of this and still having to think about if my husband loves me.

So my decision wasn’t hard. I spoke to God several times a day. I’m praying he hears my prayers. Lord, I know you placed this cancer here for a reaso,  and if you brought me to i,  you will definitely bring me through it. I am going to trust you and trust the process. In Jesus’ name, amen.  That was my talk daily. What didn’t make sense to me it made sense to God and I trusted that.

So after I thought I could finally process what was going on with my health. I decide to have a very candid conversation with my husband. We sat down and I told him I think it’s time we go our separate ways. Our season was up. I could take all I could.  I have been exhausted in trying to this continue to work.  All I want is the house until after nevaeh graduated from high school which was 3 years. We sell the house and split it. I don’t want alimony .I don’t want retirement. All I want you to do is child support for babygirl.

He disagreed. He said if he isn’t in the house no one will be in the house. I said fine. We can sell now.

That was on May 2021. So a whole year goes by. February of 2022 I got hospitalized due to loss of blood. My mother said she thought I had actually died. The ambulance came and I was. In the hospital for a week. No visits from my husband I guess due to covid was hot and heavy during that time. The doctors came in on a Sunday. Actually, Super Bowl Sunday. I remember that vividly because I said I wanted to go home to watch the superbowl.

Clearly I believe my husband didn’t think I was going to make it….but  God.  The doctors came into the room with several interns with a puzzled look on their faces and said. “Mrs. Woodland we can’t find anything on your tests to explain why you had this seizure.  I never had one in my life.  I smiled and said God doesn’t show up tests. Can I go home now藍 they laughed and said they would be the discharged papers ready.

Now, here is the icing on the cake that led to the final decided of me being done.

My husband had gone to work. A few days after I got home I accidently took my meds twice and got sick. I guess he mentioned to my mother that I did that, so she went out and got me a pill box for the days of the week.

My husband headed to work while I was asleep.  Apparently, he decided it would be a good idea to put my meds in the pill box but what he didn’t tell me was one he did it and two, where he put it. I woke up the next morning ready to take my medication. I had already had a routine going. I wake up in a panic. I search the house for an hour, well past the time I needed to take my meds. It was important to take my meds the same time everyday because of my white blood cells count or I would go into another seizure. After an hour of panicking about to go into a panic attack. Grant it I was home alone. I called him at work to ask him where was my medication. He didn’t answer the first time so I’m panicking trying to remain calm because I was alone and I didn’t want anything to happen. So I call again he answered. I said I’m  panicking I gotta take my meds and I can’t find it. He told me where it was and I asked why didn’t he tell me he moved it. He told me he was busy at work.

It was that moment right there where I knew where I was on his priority list.

He came home and tried to plead his case. I wasn’t having it. I was in the process of trying fill out my retirement papers from my job and he keeps trying to plead his case. I didn’t want to hear it because he was being insensitive to my panick attack I had earlier and the frustration of trying to figure out my retirement paperwork. I screamed at the top of my lungs get away from me and don’t do not else for me. Two month later he came to me and said we need to move forward with the divorce. I was gone because I had emotionally checked out. I was fighting for my life and working on becoming this new person I didn’t know

April I filed for divorce and sold the house in June and had to move in July. Our house sold in three days and I wasn’t prepared at all but God. I moved in with my mom for 2 months and found a beautiful place for me and kids. Divorce was final on June 22, 2022. My husband remarried in October 2022.

I had to share this story because when people hear the word divorce it means people gave up on the covenant. That very well may be true, but I know my worth and I understand who is first in my life and if the alignment isn’t the position it should be its time to pivot. I had exhausted making efforts for counseling and I knew God spared my life and got me thru my only voice I hear now is God’s. No other voice comes before that. I have repented to God and asked for forgiveness and he answered my prayers by keeping me alive and showing me what real love is suppose to look like. What faithfulness looks like,and how prayers work. So if God has opened doors and blessed me and continues to bless me after divorce then I know the decision made was the right one.

I know who’s first in my life and won’t go against it. I know I am a wife, a good one and if it’s God’s will for me to be married again I will. I’m fully aware of who I am and won’t be a broken mess when I meet my next husband. I will continue to grow in my spirituality and be very happy in the meantime.

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