As of today, it has been 1 year and some months since I have been divorced.

From day one of our marriage on July 16, 2006 I was the one who said divorce will never be a option. I wanted to believe that I will be married until death so us part. I didn’t want my kids apart of the system at all. I didn’t want to fight about an taking the responsibility of taking care of our children.

We almost made 16 years. What an accomplishment these days. I felt In our marriage that I was a great wife and mother. I gave everything I had. I felt like a super woman. Taking care of my husband taking care of the kids working pursing my dream of being on the radio. But instead of support I got push back. I supported my husband as he got a new job with metro and him working hours and hours. I accepted all shifts he did. I understood the assignment. Be that wife that still holds down the household as he pursues his dreams. Supported him as he went to school for heating and air conditioning again holding down the household. Held him down when he decided to play basketball and he tore is acl and had to have surgery, again trying to help but being rejected in trying to do so.

When we first got married and a few years later to find out he had a son outside of our marriage. I told my self this young man didn’t have him in his life for 13 years. He didn’t ask to be here and here is  so let’s embrace him.  I helped him on finding out what he needed to do. I did as a faithful wife would do go to court appearances and funny how she never showed up. How convenient but from what I hear the mother doesn’t have to be there. I support anyway. I did what a wife is suppose to do. I didn’t want him to feel like he had to go thru it alone.  That’s what wife’s do even though he never told me about it until my mother called me at work to tell me the a sherrifs showed up at her door to serve him papers that day.  I felt like he got married because it looked good.

What drawer me to him was I believed he was attractive, smart and he didn’t have a whole bunch of friends.He wasn’t really big on going out.  Like a home body so far from what I ever wanted.  

As the years went on he just got very comfortable in being that home body. I believe in marriages you should still have date nights and when you have date nights it should look like you are a couple. I’m huge on pda. He wasn’t don’t know how I missed that mark.

Now vacations were nice but again distance. He felt if we on vacation so being in bed and playing games worked for him.

Porn was a huge problem for me in our marriage too. I believe he was addicted. When husbands prefer porn over you it tuggs on your heart strings
Am I not enough? You prefer this over me. Wow. Laptops phones and even found cds of it. So I even tried to watch them with him and I just hated it. But I said if you can beat them join them. I hated it. All of it!!! I was like maybe he wants to try new positions so let me see what tricks I can get out of it. Tried it and hated it. I just feel like they treat women so disrespectful in them. Horrible. I only looked at them to try to please my man. He works so hard I don’t want him to feel he has to go outside of the marriage for anything.

Don’t get me wrong, I had moments of not being 100% in because of the lack of communication between us.

But you know what, no matter what you do it’d never be enough if you don’t have God in it.

So I started to go to church more and serving as a Usher, audio ministry, adoration, and whatever else I could to get my mind off the fact I don’t feel like I’m enough for my husband. I wanted to also set the foundation for the kids and get them involved in church.

I would try to get my husband to come to church too. Wasn’t really his thing and his excuse was always I have nothing to wear.

Our intense fellowship were just that INTENSE.
Yelling back and forth and no one is listening.

One time I was exhausted but I felt like I wanted to make him a special dinner. His favorite was either smothered pork chops or a porterhouse steak.

So I prepared him dinner and I went downstairs to let him know dinner was ready and he was no where to be found. I was devastated I called to ask where he was and he said he left. Wow. And that was it. No I’m sorry I’ll be back just ghosted.

Another time, actually, before we got married but we had our first son. We separated. I wasn’t going to allow him to move in with me because I living with my mom.  He was living with a roommate and he didn’t want to live there anymore. So I agreed to help him get an apartment. He must have thought because the apartment was in my name I wasn’t going to get a key to it. Huh. Joke’s on you shawty!.

My intention wasn’t to move in but I wanted our son to be in a nice environment. We had separated for a while.

So I called him to ask him can he cut dj hair and he told me no. Because he wasn’t home. I was like. ok. I happened to be in the area and dropped by. I used my key and he chilling on the couch. I told dj to say hello walked to his hall closet  got the clippers and walked out… The next day or two he changed the locks . He move out of that and got another apartment. There was another time another time he had picked up dj for the weekend and he brought him home and stuffed in dj baby bag was a letter from the leasing office with another’s women’s name on it.  Smh. I can’t make this up.

This list goes on and on of how I feel the decision that was made is accurate because since I left doors have been opening up left and right.

I don’t believe in regrets I believe they are lessons. I don’t believe in luck. I believe in faith.

Are there times I look back and say what could have been different. Yes, all the time. But I know I was an amazing wife.  I believe I put 150 into it. It’s a rough road when the marriage is one sided and unevenly yoked. If you don’t keep God first in a marriage, you are in it just managing and being unfulfilled. No one should feel unfulfilled in a marriage. God, faith and communication are the key to a fulfilling marriage. Most say finances is it is as well, but if you are not aligned in the proper position, it is headed to a place you don’t want to be. Finances will flow when you are in the proper position with God. Pray together before God. Let your request be known and listen for the answers from God.

In my marriage the foundation of both of us being aligned wasn’t there. We were just unevenly yoked. I was surrendered to God, but my husband wasn’t in it. When I would move further into my spiritual growth he would say I’m changing and I would ask him change is supposed to be good. He response was always this is how you met me oh well. Not the answers I ever wanted to hear. I thought as you become older you become wiser and want to grow, but I guess he felt growth to him was change and he wasn’t willing.

I wasn’t happy anymore. I always felt I got knocked down about everything. New ideas . New conversations everything. No he wasn’t abusive physically, but mentally I was drained. It completely drained me to the point of sickness.

I was diagnosed with Non Hodgkins Lymphoma Cancer on September 17, 2020. I guess God heard my prayers and decided to shut me all the way down. The most devastating news I could ever hear. Unfamiliar territory, but I knew my faith was the only that was going to get me through. My faith caused my Breakthrough. This is the test of where this would make or break my marriage. Unfortunately, it broke it. As I went thru this journey of having cancer, the Dr apptments, treatments and the horrible side affects. This was surely the test. Will he love me from going from 165 lbs to 108lbs, will he love me through preparing food for me but can’t eat because of mouth sores due to the treatments, will he find it in his heart to come to me hug me and allow me to sleep in his arms because if he fatigue, will be love m enough to hold my hand or give me hug on the ride home from horrible experiences spinal chemo treatments to shrink the tumors in my head, will he love me thru throwing up from the treatments after affects, will he love me enough of the hair loss and darkening of my skin. Will he love me enough to notice I laid on the couch for a year because our spirits weren’t connecting? I couldn’t get past these thoughts because when I was well there was no difference. I wasn’t seen or heard.

There were times my kids fell in my arms an hugged me wanting to do more because my husband told them they wasn’t taking care of me. Imagine a 13 year old and a 21year old trying to process their mom is down for the count.

Trying process all of this and still having to think about if my husband loves me.

So my decision wasn’t hard. I spoke to God several times a day. I’m praying he hears my prayers. Lord, I know you placed this cancer here for a reaso,  and if you brought me to i,  you will definitely bring me through it. I am going to trust you and trust the process. In Jesus’ name, amen.  That was my talk daily. What didn’t make sense to me it made sense to God and I trusted that.

So after I thought I could finally process what was going on with my health. I decide to have a very candid conversation with my husband. We sat down and I told him I think it’s time we go our separate ways. Our season was up. I could take all I could.  I have been exhausted in trying to this continue to work.  All I want is the house until after nevaeh graduated from high school which was 3 years. We sell the house and split it. I don’t want alimony .I don’t want retirement. All I want you to do is child support for babygirl.

He disagreed. He said if he isn’t in the house no one will be in the house. I said fine. We can sell now.

That was on May 2021. So a whole year goes by. February of 2022 I got hospitalized due to loss of blood. My mother said she thought I had actually died. The ambulance came and I was. In the hospital for a week. No visits from my husband I guess due to covid was hot and heavy during that time. The doctors came in on a Sunday. Actually, Super Bowl Sunday. I remember that vividly because I said I wanted to go home to watch the superbowl.

Clearly I believe my husband didn’t think I was going to make it….but  God.  The doctors came into the room with several interns with a puzzled look on their faces and said. “Mrs. Woodland we can’t find anything on your tests to explain why you had this seizure.  I never had one in my life.  I smiled and said God doesn’t show up tests. Can I go home now藍 they laughed and said they would be the discharged papers ready.

Now, here is the icing on the cake that led to the final decided of me being done.

My husband had gone to work. A few days after I got home I accidently took my meds twice and got sick. I guess he mentioned to my mother that I did that, so she went out and got me a pill box for the days of the week.

My husband headed to work while I was asleep.  Apparently, he decided it would be a good idea to put my meds in the pill box but what he didn’t tell me was one he did it and two, where he put it. I woke up the next morning ready to take my medication. I had already had a routine going. I wake up in a panic. I search the house for an hour, well past the time I needed to take my meds. It was important to take my meds the same time everyday because of my white blood cells count or I would go into another seizure. After an hour of panicking about to go into a panic attack. Grant it I was home alone. I called him at work to ask him where was my medication. He didn’t answer the first time so I’m panicking trying to remain calm because I was alone and I didn’t want anything to happen. So I call again he answered. I said I’m  panicking I gotta take my meds and I can’t find it. He told me where it was and I asked why didn’t he tell me he moved it. He told me he was busy at work.

It was that moment right there where I knew where I was on his priority list.

He came home and tried to plead his case. I wasn’t having it. I was in the process of trying fill out my retirement papers from my job and he keeps trying to plead his case. I didn’t want to hear it because he was being insensitive to my panick attack I had earlier and the frustration of trying to figure out my retirement paperwork. I screamed at the top of my lungs get away from me and don’t do not else for me. Two month later he came to me and said we need to move forward with the divorce. I was gone because I had emotionally checked out. I was fighting for my life and working on becoming this new person I didn’t know

April I filed for divorce and sold the house in June and had to move in July. Our house sold in three days and I wasn’t prepared at all but God. I moved in with my mom for 2 months and found a beautiful place for me and kids. Divorce was final on June 22, 2022. My husband remarried in October 2022.

I had to share this story because when people hear the word divorce it means people gave up on the covenant. That very well may be true, but I know my worth and I understand who is first in my life and if the alignment isn’t the position it should be its time to pivot. I had exhausted making efforts for counseling and I knew God spared my life and got me thru my only voice I hear now is God’s. No other voice comes before that. I have repented to God and asked for forgiveness and he answered my prayers by keeping me alive and showing me what real love is suppose to look like. What faithfulness looks like,and how prayers work. So if God has opened doors and blessed me and continues to bless me after divorce then I know the decision made was the right one.

I know who’s first in my life and won’t go against it. I know I am a wife, a good one and if it’s God’s will for me to be married again I will. I’m fully aware of who I am and won’t be a broken mess when I meet my next husband. I will continue to grow in my spirituality and be very happy in the meantime.

#Lbelieveable #cancersurvivor #Nhlymphomacancer #speakitbelieveitclaimit
#About9000 #TeamLboogie #trustingtheprocess #imasurvivor #ibelievemyfaithmakesthedifference #inspirationalleader
#myfaithcausedmybreakkthrough #somethinghastobreak

Hello, Love Muffins,

Super excited to be a producer of a Short Film called Untold Secrets/The Flipside Director, Dwayne Brown. Check out the community news clip about the unique way of educating the audience of Mental Health Awareness and Cancer Awareness of the upcoming premiere, on September 22, 2023, @ The Bowie Performing Arts Center in Bowie, Maryland.

Click here to purchase tickets https://bowiecenter.org/events/

I am very excited about learning how to use iMovie. I am sure there are many new ways to create a trailer short films etc., but I learned a new thing so I wanted to share what I have started. Prayerfully, the finished product will be done before the year is out. I have been working on getting my journey out to share with the world. So here is a snippet of the journey. Stay tuned.

Hey Love Muffins,

It’s WOW Wednesday! Sooooo, how was your day? Today, I have been completely present. I know life moves so fast that if you are not in tuned you will miss the blessings God has downloaded in you for the day. I used my time wisely today. Normally I would lay in bed for a long time and want to sleep the day away but today I felt the urge to empower myself today and listen to some encouraging words from a few speakers. I like to listen to one in particular, Dr. Dellaterro McNeal. I don’t get books often but I do listen to audible books to motivate me while I do household things around the house. Mostly when I exercise. I fell off that wagon months ago but I am motivated to do that once again and what helps is listening to motivational audible books.

I have been not really in a funk but in isolation for a few weeks. I have had some health challenges and the devil has been trying to grab a hold of my thoughts. I am grateful for the test because it is showing me how strong I really am. It’s funny how we have down moments and with hope, faith and believe we are out of it before we realize what has happened. Well let me just speak for myself. For example, while going through my divorce. I knew I wanted it to happen long before it actually happened. I already knew my worth and knew I couldn’t do another day of the marriage. I am a faith based person and I believe I stayed alot longer than I should have because I wanted to fight for it. I didn’t want to give up. We had both agreed that Divorce was not going to be an option but it seems like when it happened it happened so quick it was like I felt lost. I didn’t think of what to do afterwards I just knew I wasn’t able to give him what he needed and vice versa. I mean 15 years almost 16 years in and we have come to let’s just agree to disagree permanently. I knew I did all that could be done and exhausted all resources to the point it was almost life or death for me. I chose me. 5 months later he chose to marry again. Well, am I hurt? No, I pray and hope he finds the happiness he is looking for. It’s just another test to build my strength. It is taking me time to adjust. I have had 2 life challenges happen to me back to back. Well, actually I had been stressed for years questioning my marriage, which lead to stress at work with a supervisor, Battling Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma Cancer and then the divorce, whole new lifestyle change by living on my own for the first time in my life with 2 children, shingles, pneumonia, after effects of cancer, and the blessing of it all I got through it all. I trusted God through it all. I held on to his unchanging hands. I trusted God and was one on one with God. There were times I thought back and knew that it was all God. How do you battle cancer without family and friends coming to visit you due to a pandemic? Going to Dr. Appts alone. Going through Surgeries alone, going through Chemotherapy alone and coming home to a full but empty house. One hug, One kiss, One let me lay with you would have been nice. How do you not have any affection through the most devastating time of my life? But GOD. When I closed my eyes at night I would squeeze a white polar bear real tight as I lay on the couch for 2 years, couldn’t lay in a bed with someone who has no hope or love for God and who can’t pray or hold me and tell God, thank you for wrapping your loving arms around me and letting me lay at your feet as you give me rest. I also kept saying Yall about witnessing a miracle. It doesn’t make sense now but in the end it will all make sense. It’s not the end because the blessings still continue to flow. I always say Trust God and Trust the process. He knows best. He brings you to it and he will bring you through. Words have power. My church has been doing this spirit training that has equipped me with what I needed. I know when I have moments when I want to be angry, stressed, worried I know I just think of things that are good, pure and true. When you can pull from God’s promises it shows God you trust Him anyway, no matter what. The test God’s way of letting you know you are the chosen one for this test and he didn’t bring it to you to fail he brought it to you to strengthen you. That song by Whitney Houston comes to mind, “I didn’t know my own strength”
I didn’t know my own strength
And I crashed down and I tumbled but I did not crumble
I got through all the pain
I didn’t know my own strength
We don’t know our own strength until God tests us. Just know your test will take you to a higher level of faith. Allow God to work in your life because the adversities can’t be done alone and the only consistent thing will be God and God alone. The next time you face a challenge, roll your sleeves and let God know you trust him. If He trusts you with this adversity you can definitely trust Him to get you through with his grace and mercy. He has you covered. Will you pass the test? He only gives his test to his toughest soldiers. So keep the faith, trust God and Trust the process. Love you fam! #BeIntentional #BeConsistent #BePresent

Hello Love Muffins, 

I pray all is well and going well with you and your family.  Today, as I lay in bed I always give thanks to see one more day.  As we are halfway into the new year of 2023.   God has kept you for 6 months of this year. What a blessing! There have been challenges that have crossed your paths and you wondered how you will get past them. Two words, come to mind, BUT GOD.  I must be very honest and transparent with you. The last three years of my life have been such an inspirational journey. I have experienced, cancer, divorce, shingles, pneumonia, and spiritual warfare.  There were plenty of days the devil wanted to whisper in my ear how I will never get thru my fears.  Fear of surviving thru cancer, the fear of feeling like a failure because my marriage didn’t last, and feeling like at age 50 plus I should be further than where I thought I should be with my life.  Again, two words come to mind, BUT GOD.  As I would sit in my quiet time with God I would like to thank Him for all the things I have gone thru, for without it, I wouldn’t know my own strength, not to mention other thoughts that would consume me that would try to take me down the road of depression.  I kept repeating to myself, I am a child of God, if God brought me to it then He will bring me thru it. If He can trust me with it then I know I can trust Him. 

I remember, as a young lady and when I was in my dating age of life I would be so quick to mention the things that I thought I was missing in my life. As I verbalize those things to the men I have met in my life I started to recognize everyone felt as though they would be my saving grace, I would mention time and time again the things that I had experienced in my life with other relationships and found myself in the same space after each relationship. that was leaving any relationship where I felt there was no growth or no substance. For a long time, I would wonder to myself why I keep running away from every relationship that I seem to be in. I finally came to the conclusion that if I can leave a relationship with no regrets then that relationship should have never happened in the first place.  If I leave a relationship and it was easy to walk away and not feel an ounce of regret for leaving, then the relationship wasn’t a genuine relationship it just solved the purpose at that particular time.  I can’t blame the person for why I left, I’m sure maturity was a factor as well on my part and they were stepping stones and the pieces of the puzzle that I needed at that time.   It’s just that years and years of lessons that transpired were learned and I have grown to know they will not be repeated. I have studied, meditated, and birthed a renewed thought process. If you don’t change the way you think about life it will pass you by and the lessons you need to learn will leave you and you will repeat the very same thing you are trying to escape.   

As you grow in faith, you will learn three things known to be true for me, you can only control your thinking, you can only manage your feelings, and you should always trust God in the process. God places things in our paths to remind us of the Book of Life, which provides us with all the instructions we need to manage our way thru life. When we are in our own way we tend to make things much more complicated than God ever planned for it to be.  God is our salvation, He is our waymaker and is not a God of confusion.  Why do we get frustrated, confused, depressed, worried, and filled with anxiety? It is because we refuse to let go and trust God.  In Proverbs 1:7 “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction”. We have a God who waits for us to call out His name.  On deck 24/7 for whatever we need.  It’s just that simple.  

It’s unfortunate that we get so caught up in the world believing we have to conform to it. We have God, why conform to the evil of the world? Our faith makes the difference, it’s not magic it’s not something that magically appears and poof all the madness gone. No, the craziness of the world happens because God has already equipped us with all we need all you have to do is apply it to your way of life.  BELIEVE, TRUST GOD AND HAVE FAITH,  MEDITATE ON THESE THINGS Philippians 4:8-9, Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are Nobel, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy-meditate on these things.  The things are which you learned and received and heard and saw in me these do and the God of peace will be with you. God walks with us and we do have free will but we must discipline ourselves to do what is right.  Just keep in mind Philippians 3:12 Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me.  I know life gets hard but you have accomplished many things, let us not forget how wonderful you really are. We focus on all the strife but let’s celebrate the blessings. Take time to celebrate the victories. They are far more than the adversities. We look at blessings as if it has to be this BIG massive thing and overlook the small blessings as well. A blessing is a blessing, big or small. Appreciate it all. Thank God for all you have! Wake up and if all you can manage to pray is THANK YOU, that is sufficient. Now go out in this world and be the wonderfully made person God created you to be and if that mountain is in your way speak to that mountain, believe and have faith, and move that mountain!!!!

Blessed by the Best, 

Lyneshia

I DO NOT OWN THE RIGHTS TO THIS SONG(Whitney Houston…I didnt know my own strength)….This song describes how I feel right now. I must commit to time with God. He has healed me on several times. When I thought I was gone. HE restored me. 🙌🏾 nothing will separate me from Him. His promises keep me encouraged. If your foundation isn’t set and you aren’t centered and connected…… let’s just say I’m trusting the process. #LoveforGodfirst #BeIntentional #BeConsistent ##BePresent

THE AWAKENING-NATIONAL HARBOUR, FORT WASHINGTON, MD

I love to go and sit by this statue. When I sit here and look at this and sit by the water it reminds me of my awakening. How I have had several adversities over the years of my life and God has pulled me through those moments I couldn’t see myself getting out of. I prayed and prayed and continue to ask God to get me through. The Bible says in Joshua 1:9 “Haven’t I commanded you to be strong and of good courage, Do not be afraid or dismayed for the Lord God is with you wherever you go” is my favorite scripture. It reminds me of not having fear and to step out on faith. God is with me wherever I know and I feel confident in that. He will never leave me or forsake me. I trust that and I trust His process. He has download in my spirit all that I need and I am grateful for it. I don’t know how I could manage it all with out Him.

I’m so grateful to have it all. The pain, the disappointments, and the expectations of others. All of it. I struggled with so many things that should have taken me out but God saw differently. He trusted me with the things He placed before me and I am fully committed to keeping that trust with Him. He has been unwavering in my life and I ignored all the signs of grace and mercy but now with a new vision of life and having a testimony I will share with the world I am free. I wish to share my testimony with others in hope that you see God not me. You see how amazing and loving He is and will continue to be if you allow yourself to open your heart and release past traumas you have buried so deep you never knew they were there. I pray for a release for you to share your testimony with others so we can all finally come together and heal.

#mentalhealthmatters
#bhm
#trustGod
#trusttheprocess
#BeIntentional#BeConsistent#BePresent
#Beyou
#loveonyou
#mephime
#healing
#graceandmercy
#prayerwarrior
#nooneisperfect
#jehovahjireh
#myspiritmakesthediffernce
#talkaboutit
#prayerworks
#NonHodgkinsLymphomaCancersurvivor
#gravesdiseasewarrior
#nhlcancerwarrior